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THE SHIELD: NUMBING
We are a culture of people who’ve bought into the idea that if we stay busy enough, the truth of our lives won’t catch up with us. Statistics dictate that there are very few people who haven’t been affected by addiction. I believe we all numb our feelings. We may not do it compulsively and chronically, which is addiction, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t numb our sense of vulnerability. And numbing vulnerability is especially debilitating because it doesn’t just deaden the pain of our difficult experiences; numbing vulnerability also dulls our experiences of love, joy, belonging, creativity, and empathy. We can’t selectively numb emotion. Numb the dark and you numb the light. ☀️
Americans today are more debt-ridden, obese, medicated, and addicted than we ever have been. For the first time in history, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has announced that automobile accidents are now the second leading cause of accidental death in the United States. The leading cause? Drug overdoses. In fact, more people die from prescription drug overdoses than from heroin, cocaine, and methamphetamine drug use combined. The dealers today are more likely to be parents, relatives, friends, and physicians.👨🏻⚕️🥼℞☤🩺👩🏻⚕️💊
The primary driver of numbing would be our struggles with worthiness and shame: We numb the pain that comes from feeling inadequate and “less than.” Anxiety and disconnection also emerged as drivers of numbing in addition to shame. The most powerful need for numbing seems to come from combinations of all three—shame, anxiety, and disconnection.
The anxiety described by the research participants appeared to be fueled by uncertainty, overwhelming and competing demands on our time, and (one of the big surprises) social discomfort.
Disconnection includes a range of experiences that encompassed depression but also included loneliness, isolation, disengagement, and emptiness.
Anxiety with shame rising. Disconnection with shame rising. Anxiety and disconnection with shame rising.
Shame enters for those of us who experience anxiety because not only are we feeling fearful, out of control, and incapable of managing our increasingly demanding lives, but eventually our anxiety is compounded and made unbearable by our belief that if we were just smarter, stronger, or better, we’d be able to handle everything. Numbing here becomes a way to take the edge off of both instability and inadequacy.
After nearly eighteen months at Basgiath War College, Violet Sorrengail knows there’s no more time for lessons. No more time for uncertainty. Because the battle has truly begun, and with enemies closing in from outside their walls and within their ranks, it’s impossible to know who to trust. Now Violet must journey beyond the failing Aretian wards to seek allies from unfamiliar lands to stand with Navarre. The trip will test every bit of her wit, luck, and strength, but she will do anything to save what she loves—her dragons, her family, her home, and him. Even if it means keeping a secret so big, it could destroy everything. They need an army. They need power. They need magic. And they need the one thing only Violet can find—the truth. But a storm is coming…and not everyone can survive its wrath.
A brand new psychological thriller from #1 New York Times bestselling author Freida McFadden!
The nightmare she’s running from is nothing compared to where she’s headed.
Tegan is eight months pregnant, alone, and desperately wants to put her crumbling life in the rearview mirror. So she hits the road, planning to stay with her brother until she can figure out her next move. But she doesn’t realize she’s heading straight into a blizzard.
She never arrives at her destination.
Stranded in rural Maine with a dead car and broken ankle, Tegan worries she’s made a terrible mistake. Then a miracle occurs: she is rescued by a couple who offers her a room in their warm cabin until the snow clears.
But something isn’t right. Tegan believed she was waiting out the storm, but as time ticks by, she comes to realize she is in grave danger. This safe haven isn’t what she thought it was, and staying here may have been her most deadly mistake yet.
And now she must do whatever it takes to save herself―and her unborn child.
A gut-wrenching story of motherhood, survival, and twisted expectations, #1 New York Times bestselling author Freida McFadden delivers a snowbound thriller that will chill you to the bone.
Author Grady Green is having the worst best day of his life.
Grady calls his wife as she’s driving home to share some exciting news. He hears Abby slam on the brakes, get out of the car, then nothing. When he eventually finds her car by a cliff edge, the headlights are on, the driver door is open, her phone is still there . . . but his wife has disappeared.
A year later, Grady is still overcome with grief and desperate to know what happened to Abby. He can’t sleep, and he can’t write, so he travels to a tiny Scottish island to try to get his life back on track. Then he sees the impossible: a woman who looks exactly like his missing wife.
Wives think their husbands will change, but they don’t. Husbands think their wives won’t change, but they do.
Emily Walker hates having her carefully crafted world disrupted by anyone, most of all her legendary nemesis, Jack Bennett. He’s the opposite of the wonderful heroes she dreams up in her double life as a romance writer, which is why Emily was perfectly happy when Jack left Rome, Kentucky, mid-school year with his fiancée. The last thing Emily saw coming was Jack’s return at the start of the summer after calling off the wedding and ending his relationship, but he’s here to stay—as her colleague and her neighbor.
Jack is glad to be back, eager to renovate his house and work on the next mystery novel under his bestselling pen name. But when he realizes he’s now neighbors with the one woman who has always pushed his buttons, he discovers something he’s even more excited about—thwarting Emily and her petty plans to sabotage his return.
With their chemistry-fueled animosity at an all-time high, Emily accidentally sends an email to their school’s principal that could reveal her secret literary side hustle. She needs to steal back her manuscript, and Jack—she hates to admit—is just the man to help her. Surprisingly, he agrees. Will their unlikely alliance put an end to their rivalry? Or could it lead to a steamy plot twist they never saw coming?
They call them wayward girls. Loose girls. Girls who grew up too fast. And they’re sent to Wellwood House in St. Augustine, Florida, where unwed mothers are hidden by their families to have their babies in secret, to give them up for adoption, and most important of all, to forget any of it ever happened. Fifteen-year-old Fern arrives at the home in the sweltering summer of 1970, pregnant, terrified and alone. Under the watchful eye of the stern Miss Wellwood, she meets a dozen other girls in the same predicament. There’s Rose, a hippie who insists she’s going to find a way to keep her baby and escape to a commune. And Zinnia, a budding musician who plans to marry her baby’s father. And Holly, a wisp of a girl, barely fourteen, mute and pregnant by no-one-knows-who. Everything the girls eat, every moment of their waking day, and everything they’re allowed to talk about is strictly controlled by adults who claim they know what’s best for them. Then Fern meets a librarian who gives her an occult book about witchcraft, and power is in the hands of the girls for the first time in their lives. But power can destroy as easily as it creates, and it’s never given freely. There’s always a price to be paid…and it’s usually paid in blood. In Witchcraft for Wayward Girls, the author of How to Sell a Haunted House and The Final Girl Support Group delivers another searing, completely original novel and further cements his status as a “horror master” (NPR).
Egypt, 1936: When anthropology student Charlotte Cross is offered a coveted spot on an archaeological dig in Egypt’s Valley of the Kings, she leaps at the opportunity. That is until an unbearable tragedy strikes. New York City, 1978: Nineteen-year-old Annie Jenkins is thrilled when she lands an opportunity to work for former Vogue fashion editor Diana Vreeland, who’s in the midst of organizing the famous Met Gala, hosted at the museum and known across the city as the “party of the year.” Meanwhile, Charlotte is now leading a quiet life as the associate curator of the Met’s celebrated Department of Egyptian Art. She’s consumed by her research on Hathorkare—a rare female pharaoh dismissed by most other Egyptologists as unimportant. The night of the gala: One of the Egyptian art collection’s most valuable artifacts goes missing, and there are signs Hathorkare’s legendary curse might be reawakening. Annie and Charlotte team up to search for the missing antiquity, and a desperate hunch leads the unlikely duo to one place Charlotte swore she’d never return: Egypt. But if they have any hope of finding the artifact, Charlotte will need to confront the demons of her past—which may mean leading them both directly into danger.
On a backstreet in Tokyo lies a pawnshop, but not everyone can find it. Most will see a cozy ramen restaurant. And only the chosen ones—those who are lost—will find a place to pawn their life choices and deepest regrets.
Hana Ishikawa wakes on her first morning as the pawnshop’s new owner to find it ransacked, the shop’s most precious acquisition stolen, and her father missing. And then into the shop stumbles a charming stranger, quite unlike its other customers, for he offers help instead of seeking it.
Together, they must journey through a mystical world to find Hana’s father and the stolen choice—by way of rain puddles, rides on paper cranes, the bridge between midnight and morning, and a night market in the clouds.
But as they get closer to the truth, Hana must reveal a secret of her own—and risk making a choice that she will never be able to take back.
Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind. ~ Seneca
You Can Be the Sheep or the Sheepherder
The Commandment of Entry states that as entry barriers to any business road fall, or lessen, the effectiveness of that road declines while competition in that field subsequently strengthens.
I spotted the signs of “everyone is doing it,” because if everyone were rich, “everybody is doing it” would work.
If you want to live unlike everyone, you can’t be like everyone. Don’t confuse that with exceptionality. You have to lead the pack and have “everyone” follow. When the lambs are lining up single-file for slaughter, you want to own the slaughterhouse.
Chapter Summary: Fastlane Distinctions ••The Commandment of Entry states that as entry barriers fall, competition rises and the road weakens. •• Easy access roads carry more traffic. More traffic generates higher competition, and higher competition creates lower margins for the participants. •• Businesses with weak entry often lack control and operate in saturated marketplaces. •• Exceptionalism is required to overcome weak entry barriers. ••Access to a business road should be a process with a toll, not an event. ••“Everyone” consists of the general populous and is served by the mainstream media. •• If everyone were wealthy, “everybody is doing it” would work. And if everyone is wealthy, then no one is wealthy. ••“Everyone is doing it” is a signal to overbought conditions and the entrance of “dumb money.”
The Commandment of Control
There is no dependence that can be sure but a dependence on one’s self. ~ John Gay
Demand the Driver’s Seat Yes or no. You’re either driving the Fastlane or you aren’t. You’re either in control over your financial plan or you aren’t. There is no in between.
Good Money Versus Big Money There is a difference between good money, big money, and legendary money. Good money is $20,000/month.
Think Shark, Not Guppy If you lived in an aquarium, would you rather be the shark or the guppy? Sharks eat . . . guppies get eaten.
Invest in Your Brand Only! Whose money tree are you growing? Are you investing in your brand or in someone else’s?
When you blindly invest your life and time into someone else’s brand, you become a part of their marketing plan.
Chapter Summary: Fastlane Distinctions •• Hitchhikers relinquish control of their business to a Fastlaner. ••There is a difference between “good” money and “big” money. Hitchhikers can make good money while Fastlaners make big money. Sometimes legendary money. •• In a driver/hitchhiker relationship, the driver always retains control and the hitchhiker is at the mercy of the driver. •• Hitchhikers are party to someone else’s Fastlane plan.
••Make the world your habitat of play in an organization you control. •• Network marketing has little to do with entrepreneurship but more to do with sales, networking, training, and motivation. •• Network marketing fails both the Commandments of Control and Entry, and sometimes, Need. •• Network marketers are soldiers in a Fastlaner’s army. •• Network marketing is a powerful distribution system. As a Fastlaner, seek to own one, not join one.
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The Right Road Routes to Wealth
He who chooses the beginning of the road chooses the place it leads to. It is the means that determines the end. ~ Henry Emerson Fosdick
The Road to Effection: The Five Fastlane Commandments:
1) The Commandment of Need 2) The Commandment of Entry 3) The Commandment of Control 4) The Commandment of Scale 5) The Commandment of Time
A road meeting all five commandments can make you filthy rich fast.
Chapter Summary: Fastlane Distinctions •• Not all businesses are the right road. Few roads move at, through, or near the Law of Effection. ••The best roads and the purest Fastlanes satisfy the Five Fastlane Commandments: Need, Entry, Control, Scale, and Time.
The Commandment of Need
What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other? ~ George Eliot
Sand Foundations Crumble Houses Ninety percent of all new businesses fail within five years, and I know why they fail. They fail because they fail the Commandment of Need.
Businesses that solve needs win. Businesses that provide value win.
To succeed as a producer, surrender your own selfishness and address the selfishness of others.
Stop Chasing Money—Chase Needs.
Stop thinking about business in terms of your selfish desires, whether it’s money, dreams or “do what you love.” Instead, chase needs, problems, pain points, service deficiencies, and emotions.
You and your business attract money when you stop being selfish and turn your business’s focus from the needs of yourself to the needs of other people. Give first, take second. Money Chasers Chase Money, Not Needs.
💰 To Attract Money Is to Forget About Money 💰
Solve needs massively and money massively attracts. The amount of money in your life is merely a reflection to the amount of value.
Make 1 million people achieve any of the following:
1) Make them feel better. 2) Help them solve a problem. 3) Educate them. 4) Make them look better (health, nutrition, clothing, makeup). 5) Give them security (housing, safety, health). 6) Raise a positive emotion (love, happiness, laughter, self-confidence). 7) Satisfy appetites, from basic (food) to the risqué (sexual). 8) Make things easier. 9) Enhance their dreams and give hope.
. . . and I guarantee, you will be worth millions.
Beware of another guru-speak: “Do what you love and the money will follow!” Bullshit.
The motivational fuel for the Fastlane is passion, not love. Passion gets you out of the garage and onto the road. If you have a passion for a specific goal, you’ll do anything for it. 💖
Passion beats “do what you love,” because passion fuels motivation for something greater than yourself and is generalized.
I repeat: Passion for an end goal, a why, drives Fastlane action.
Passion Erases the Suffering of Work
The Fastlane isn’t a destination but a personal journey.
Chapter Summary: Fastlane Distinctions ••The Commandment of Need states that businesses that solve needs win. Needs can be pain points, service gaps, unsolved problems, or emotional disconnects. •• Ninety percent of all new businesses fail because they are based on selfish internal needs, not external market needs. •• No one cares about your selfish desires for dreams or money; people only want to know what your business can do for them. •• Money chasers haven’t broken free from selfishness, and their businesses often follow their own selfish needs. •• People vote for your business with their money. •• Chase money and it will elude you. However, if you ignore it and focus on what attracts money, you will draw it to yourself. •• Help one million people and you will be a millionaire. •• For money to follow “Do what you love,” your love must solve a need and you must be exceptional at it. ••“Do what you love” sets the stage for crowded marketplaces with depressed margins. ••When you have the financial resources, you can “do what you love” and not get paid for it, nor do you have to be good at it. •• Slowlaners feed “do what you love” with “do what you hate.” Five days of hate for two days of love. ••“Doing what you love” for money can endanger your love. •• Passion for an end goal, a why, drives Fastlane success. •• Having a passionate “why” can transform work into joy. ••“Doing what you love” usually leads to the violation of the Commandment of Need. ••The right road for you is one that will converge with your dreams.
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DARING GREATLY: PRACTICING GRATITUDE
Gratitude emerged from the data as the antidote to foreboding joy. In fact, every participant who spoke about the ability to stay open to joy also talked about the importance of practicing gratitude. This pattern of association was so thoroughly prevalent in the data that I made a commitment as a researcher not to talk about joy without talking about gratitude.
Participants described happiness as an emotion that’s connected to circumstances, and they described joy as a spiritual way of engaging with the world that’s connected to practicing gratitude.
Scarcity and fear drive foreboding joy. We’re afraid that the feeling of joy won’t last, or that there won’t be enough, or that the transition to disappointment (or whatever is in store for us next) will be too difficult.
I learned the most about gratitude practices and the relationship between scarcity and joy that plays out in vulnerability from the men and women who had experienced some of the most profound losses or survived the greatest traumas.
Joy comes to us in moments—ordinary moments. We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary.
Scarcity culture may keep us afraid of living small, ordinary lives, but when you talk to people who have survived great losses, it is clear that joy is not a constant.
Be grateful for what you have. 🌹
Don’t take what you have for granted— celebrate it. Don’t apologize for what you have. Be grateful for it and share your gratitude with others.
When you honor what you have, you’re honoring what I’ve lost.
Don’t squander joy. 🙂
We can’t prepare for tragedy and loss. When we turn every opportunity to feel joy into a test drive for despair, we actually diminish our resilience. Yes, softening into joy is uncomfortable. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s vulnerable. But every time we allow ourselves to lean into joy and give in to those moments, we build resilience and we cultivate hope. The joy becomes part of who we are, and when bad things happen—and they do happen—we are stronger.
THE SHIELD: PERFECTIONISM
The most valuable and important things in my life came to me when I cultivated the courage to be vulnerable, imperfect, and self-compassionate. Perfectionism is not the path that leads us to our gifts and to our sense of purpose; it’s the hazardous detour. Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth.
Perfectionism is a defensive move. It’s the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen. Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval.
Healthy striving is self- focused: How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused: What will they think? Perfectionism is a hustle. Perfectionism is not the key to success.
Perfectionism is correlated with depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis or missed opportunities. Where we struggle with perfectionism, we struggle with shame.
Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame. Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because perfection doesn’t exist.
Perfectionism actually sets us up to feel shame, judgment, and blame, which then leads to even more shame and self-blame: “It’s my fault. I’m feeling this way because I’m not good enough.”
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Just as choosing the right keystone habits can create amazing change, the wrong ones can create disasters.
even destructive habits can be transformed by leaders who know how to seize the right opportunities. Sometimes, in the heat of a crisis, the right habits emerge.
Companies aren’t families. They’re battlefields in a civil war. Yet despite this capacity for internecine warfare, most companies roll along relatively peacefully, year after year, because they have routines— habits— that create truces that allow everyone to set aside their rivalries long enough to get a day’s work done. Organizational habits offer a basic promise: If you follow the established patterns and abide by the truce, then rivalries won’t destroy the company, the profits will roll in, and, eventually, everyone will get rich.
The problem with sabotage is that even if it’s good for you, it’s usually bad for the fi rm. So at most companies, an unspoken compact emerges: It’s okay to be ambitious, but if you play too rough, your peers will unite against you. On the other hand, if you focus on boosting your own department, rather than undermining your rival, you’ll probably get taken care of over time.
Most of the time, routines and truces work perfectly. Rivalries still exist, of course, but because of institutional habits, they’re kept within bounds and the business thrives. However, sometimes even a truce proves insufficient. Sometimes, an unstable peace can be as destructive as any civil war.
Truces are only durable when they create real justice. If a truce is unbalanced— if the peace isn’t real— then the routines often fail when they are needed most.
Creating successful organizations isn’t just a matter of balancing authority. For an organization to work, leaders must cultivate habits that both create a real and balanced peace and, paradoxically, make it absolutely clear who’s in charge.
Sometimes, one priority— or one department or one person or one goal— needs to overshadow everything else, though it might be unpopular or threaten the balance of power. Sometimes, a truce can create dangers that outweigh any peace.
During turmoil, organizational habits become malleable enough to both assign responsibility and create a more equitable balance of power. Crises are so valuable, in fact, that sometimes it’s worth stirring up a sense of looming catastrophe rather than letting it die down.
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THE VULNERABILITY
THE word persona is the Greek term for “stage mask.” In my work masks and armor are perfect metaphors for how we protect ourselves from the discomfort of vulnerability. Masks make us feel safer even when they become suffocating.
Vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me, but the first thing I look for in you.
Common vulnerability arsenal:
Foreboding joy: the paradoxical dread that clamps down on momentary joyfulness;
Perfectionism: believing that doing everything perfectly means you’ll never feel shame;
Numbing: the embrace of whatever deadens the pain of discomfort and pain.
THE COMMON VULNERABILITY SHIELDS
THE SHIELD: FOREBODING JOY
Joy is probably the most difficult emotion to really feel. 😎 Because when we lose the ability or willingness to be vulnerable, joy becomes something we approach with deep foreboding. We just know that we crave more joy in our lives, that we are joy starved.
What the perpetual-disappointment folks describe is this: “It’s easier to live disappointed than it is to feel disappointed. It feels more vulnerable to dip in and out of disappointment than to just set up camp there. You sacrifice joy, but you suffer less pain.”
Softening into the joyful moments of our lives requires vulnerability.
Once we make the connection between vulnerability and joy, the answer is pretty straightforward: We’re trying to beat vulnerability to the punch. We don’t want to be blindsided by hurt. We don’t want to be caught off-guard, so we literally practice being devastated or never move from self-elected disappointment.
We’re desperate for more joy, but at the same time we can’t tolerate the vulnerability.
We’re visual people. We trust, consume, and mentally store what we see. 👀
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The Real Law of Wealth
Try not to become a man of success, but a man of value. ~ Albert Einstein
The Law of Effection states that the more lives you affect in an entity you control, in scale and/or magnitude, the richer you will become. Impact millions and make millions. It doesn’t get any simpler than that!
NET PROFIT = Units Sold (Scale) × Unit Profit (Magnitude)
Retrace the source of millionaire money and you will find millions of something.
The closer you get to the source of large numbers, the closer you will get to wealth. To serve millions is to make millions. Think big to earn big.
Chapter Summary: Fastlane Distinctions ••The Law of Effection states that the more lives you affect or breach, both in scale or magnitude, the richer you will be. •• Scale translates to “units sold” of our profit variable within our Fastlane wealth equation. Magnitude translates to “unit profit” of our profit variable within our Fastlane wealth equation. ••The Law of Attraction is not a law, but a theory. The Law of Effection is absolute and operates exclusive of a roadmap. ••All lineages of self-made wealth trace back to the Law of Effection. ••The Law of Effection’s absoluteness comes from direct access and control (you are the athlete) versus indirect access (you are the athlete’s agent). •• To make millions you must serve millions in scale or a few in magnitude.
Own Yourself First
Events and circumstances have their origin in ourselves. They spring from seeds which we have sown. ~ Henry David Thoreau
To Pay Yourself First, You Must Own Yourself. When you have a job, someone owns you.
Chapter Summary: Fastlane Distinctions ••“Pay yourself first” is fundamentally impossible in a job. •• To own your vehicle (you), start a corporation that formally divorces you from the act of business. Your corporation is the body of your surrogate. ••The recommended Fastlane business entity is a C corp, an S corp, or an LLC.
Life’s Steering Wheel
Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself. ~ Robert F. Bennett
Poor choices are the leading cause of poorness. The problem is poor diet; cholesterol is the symptom.
If you aren’t where you want to be, the problem is your choices.
••The will to persevere is often the difference between failure and success. •• Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.
Your choices spark the fires of future circumstances.
What’s Chosen Today, Impacts Forever. Our choices have consequences that transcend decades.
A Fastlane process is hundreds of choices.
Chapter Summary: Fastlane Distinctions ••The leading cause of poorness is poor choices. ••The steering wheel of your life is your choices. ••You are exactly where you chose to be. •• Success is hundreds of choices that form process. Process forms lifestyle. •• Choice is the most powerful control you have in your life. •• Treasonous choices forever impact your life negatively. ••Your choices have significant horsepower, or trajectory into the future. ••The younger you are, the more potent your choices are and the more horsepower you possess. •• Over time, horsepower erodes as the consequences of old choices are thick and hard to bend.
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While there is no one-size-fits-all formula for a healthy lifestyle, many healthy individuals tend to share certain habits that contribute to their overall well-being. Here are 12 habits commonly associated with healthy people:
Balanced Diet: Healthy individuals focus on a well-rounded, nutrient-dense diet that includes a variety of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats. They also pay attention to portion sizes.
Regular Exercise: Physical activity is a crucial component of a healthy lifestyle. Whether it’s aerobic exercise, strength training, or flexibility exercises, staying active contributes to overall health.
Adequate Hydration: Drinking enough water is essential for various bodily functions. Healthy people make a habit of staying hydrated throughout the day.
Adequate Sleep: Quality sleep is crucial for overall health and well-being. Healthy individuals prioritize a consistent sleep schedule and create a restful sleep environment.
Stress Management: Effective stress management is a key habit. Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, yoga, or other relaxation methods help maintain mental and emotional balance.
Regular Health Check-ups: Healthy people prioritize preventive healthcare. Regular check-ups and screenings can help identify potential health issues early, allowing for timely intervention.
Mindful Eating: Being mindful of eating habits, such as paying attention to hunger and fullness cues, helps maintain a healthy relationship with food.
Social Connection: Healthy individuals cultivate positive social connections. Relationships and a strong support system contribute to mental and emotional well-being.
Limiting Alcohol and Avoiding Tobacco: Moderation or avoidance of alcohol and tobacco is a common habit among healthy individuals.
Continuous Learning: A commitment to lifelong learning and personal growth is a trait shared by many healthy individuals. This can include intellectual, emotional, and professional development.
Sun Protection: Protecting the skin from harmful UV rays is important for overall health. Healthy individuals use sunscreen, wear protective clothing, and avoid excessive sun exposure.
Positive Mindset: Maintaining a positive outlook and cultivating resilience are important for overall mental and emotional health. Healthy individuals often practice gratitude and focus on solutions rather than problems.
It’s important to note that individual needs and preferences may vary. Adopting these habits gradually and making adjustments based on personal circumstances can contribute to a sustainable and healthy lifestyle. Additionally, consulting with healthcare professionals for personalized advice is always recommended.
CHAPTER 1 SCARCITY: LOOKING INSIDE OUR CULTURE OF “NEVER ENOUGH”
YOU can’t swing a cat without hitting a narcissist.”
It doesn’t matter if I’m talking to teachers, parents, CEOs, or my neighbors, the response is the same: These egomaniacs need to know that they’re not special, they’re not that great, they’re not entitled to jack, and they need to get over themselves. No one cares.
LOOKING AT NARCISSISM THROUGH THE LENS OF VULNERABILITY
Diagnosing and labeling people whose struggles are more environmental or learned than genetic or organic is often far more detrimental to healing and change than it is helpful.
when I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary.
I am only as good as the number of “likes” I get on Facebook or Instagram. Because we are all vulnerable to the messaging that drives these behaviors.
I know how seductive it is to use the celebrity culture yardstick to measure the smallness of our lives.
SCARCITY: THE NEVER-ENOUGH PROBLEM
Lynne Twist, In The Soul of Money, refers to scarcity as “the great lie.” She writes: For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is “I didn’t get enough sleep.” The next one is “I don’t have enough time.”
Scarcity is the “never enough” problem.
Nostalgia is also a dangerous form of comparison. Think about how often we compare ourselves and our lives to a memory that nostalgia has so completely edited that it never really existed: “Remember when…? Those were the days…”
THE SOURCE OF SCARCITY
Worrying about scarcity is our culture’s version of post-traumatic stress.
I found the same dynamics playing out in family culture, work culture, school culture, and community culture. And they all share the same formula of shame, comparison, and disengagement.
Shame: Is fear of ridicule and belittling used to manage people and/or to keep people in line? Is self-worth tied to achievement, productivity, or compliance?
Comparison: Healthy competition can be beneficial, but is there constant overt or covert comparing and ranking?
Disengagement: Are people afraid to take risks or try new things? Is it easier to stay quiet than to share stories, experiences, and ideas?
The counterapproach to living in scarcity is not about abundance. In fact, I think abundance and scarcity are two sides of the same coin. The opposite of “never enough” isn’t abundance or “more than you could ever imagine.”
The opposite of scarcity is enough, or what I call Wholeheartedness.
The greatest casualties of a scarcity culture are our willingness to own our vulnerabilities and our ability to engage with the world from a place of worthiness.
