Book Summary: How To Win Friends And Influence People-p6

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Part Four – Be a Leader: How to Change People without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1 – If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin

Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killer.

  • Principle 1 – Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

2 – How To Criticize-And Not Be Hated For It

  • Principle 2 – Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

3 – Talk About Your Own Mistakes First

  • Principle 3 – Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the

other person.

4 – No One Likes To Take Orders

Encourage cooperation instead of rebellion.

Resentment caused by a brash order may last a long time; even if the order was given to correct an obviously bad situation.

Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.

An effective leader will use …

  • Principle 4 – Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

5 – Let the Other Person save Face

Antoine de Saint-Exupery: “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”

A real leader will always follow …

  • Principle 5 – Let the other person save face.

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