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7 – Don’t Be A “Marriage Illiterate”

According to Dr. Popenoe, failure in marriage is usually due to four causes. He lists them in this order:

• 1. Sexual maladjustment.

• 2. Difference of opinion as to the way of spending leisure time.

• 3. Financial difficulties.

• 4. Mental, physical, or emotional abnormalities.

Rule 7 of “How to Make Your Home Life Happier” is: ‘Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.

In a Nutshell

Seven Rules For Making Your Home Life Happier

• Rule 1: Don’t nag.

• Rule 2: Don’t try to make your partner over.

• Rule 3: Don’t criticize.

• Rule 4: Give honest appreciation.

• Rule 5: Pay little attentions.

• Rule 6: Be courteous.

• Rule 7: Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.

For Husbands

1. Do you still “court” your wife with an occasional gift of flowers, with remembrances of her birthday and wedding anniversary, or with some unexpected attention, some unlooked-for tenderness?

2. Are you careful never to criticize her before others?

3. Do you give her money to spend entirely as she chooses, above the household expenses?

4. Do you make an effort to understand her varying feminine moods and help her through periods of fatigue, nerves, and irritability?

5. Do you share at least half of your recreation hours with your wife?

6. Do you tactfully refrain from comparing your wife’s cooking or housekeeping with that of your mother or of Bill Jones’ wife, except to her advantage?

7. Do you take a definite interest in her intellectual life, her clubs and societies, the books she reads, her views on civic problems?

8. Can you let her dance with and receive friendly attentions from other men without making jealous remarks?

9. Do you keep alert for opportunities to praise her and express your admiration for her?

10. Do you thank her for the little jobs she does for you, such as sewing on a button, darning your socks, and sending your clothes to the cleaners?

For Wives

1. Do you give your husband complete freedom in his business affairs, and do you refrain from criticizing his associates, his choice of a secretary, or the hours he keeps?

2. Do you try your best to make your home interesting and attractive?

3. Do you vary the household menu so that he never quite knows what to expect when he sits down to the table?

4. Do you have an intelligent grasp of your husband’s business so you can discuss it with him helpfully?

5. Can you meet financial reverses bravely, cheerfully, without criticizing your husband for his mistakes or comparing him unfavourably with more successful men?

6. Do you make a special effort to get along amiably with his mother or other relatives?

7. Do you dress with an eye for your husband’s likes and dislikes in colour and style?

8. Do you compromise little differences of opinion in the interest of harmony?

9. Do you make an effort to learn games your husband likes, so you can share his leisure hours?

10. Do you keep track of the day’s news, the new books, and new ideas, so you can hold your husband’s intellectual interest?

End

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Part 5 – Letters That Produced Miraculous Results

Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.

Let me repeat: the principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.

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Part Four – Be a Leader: How to Change People without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1 – If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin

Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killer.

  • Principle 1 – Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

2 – How To Criticize-And Not Be Hated For It

  • Principle 2 – Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

3 – Talk About Your Own Mistakes First

  • Principle 3 – Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the

other person.

4 – No One Likes To Take Orders

Encourage cooperation instead of rebellion.

Resentment caused by a brash order may last a long time; even if the order was given to correct an obviously bad situation.

Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.

An effective leader will use …

  • Principle 4 – Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

5 – Let the Other Person save Face

Antoine de Saint-Exupery: “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”

A real leader will always follow …

  • Principle 5 – Let the other person save face.

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