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Chapter 2 (continued)
The willingness to show up changes us. It makes us a little braver each time.
In the song “Hallelujah,” Leonard Cohen writes, “Love is not a victory march, it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah.” Love is a form of vulnerability and if you replace the word love with vulnerability in that line,
it’s just as true.
MYTH #2: “I DON’T DO VULNERABILITY”
When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L’Engle
MYTH #3: VULNERABILITY IS LETTING IT
Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust.
Vulnerability is about
sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them. Being vulnerable and open is mutual and an integral part of the trust-building process.
We need to feel trust to be vulnerable and we need to be vulnerable in order to trust.
When the people we love or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing, and stop fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in.
With children, actions speak louder than words. Because they can’t articulate how they feel about our disengagement when we stop making an effort with them, they show us by acting out, thinking, This will get their attention.
Trust is a product of vulnerability that grows over time and requires work, attention, and full engagement. Trust isn’t a grand gesture—it’s a growing marble collection.
MYTH #4: WE CAN GO IT ALONE
Going it alone is a value we hold in high esteem in our culture, ironically even when it comes to cultivating connection. I have that rugged individualism in my DNA.
Most of us are good at giving help, but when it comes to vulnerability, we need to ask for help too.
Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help. We all need help. 🤗
Vulnerability begets vulnerability; courage is contagious.
Going back to Roosevelt’s “Man in the Arena” speech, I also learned that the people who love me, the people I really depend on, were never the critics who were pointing at me while I stumbled.
Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it’s a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands.
Sometimes our first and greatest dare is asking for support. 🌹
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