Book Summary: How To Win Friends And Influence People-p4

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Part Three – How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking

  1. You Can’t Win An Argument
    1. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.
    2. Be honest, Look for areas where you can admit error and say so.
    3. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
    4. Your opponents may be right.

Principle 1 – The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

  1. A Sure Way Of Making Enemies -And How To Avoid It
    1. Galileo said: You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.
    2. As Lord Chesterfield said to his son: Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.
    3. Socrates: One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing.
  2. You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.
  3. I have found it of enormous value when I can permit myself to understand the other person.
  • Principle 2 – Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  1. If You’re Wrong, Admit It

“By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

  • Principle 3 – If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  1. A Drop Of Honey
  2. The friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world.
  3. Lincoln said: “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.”
  • Principle 4 – Begin in a friendly way.
  1. The Secret Of Socrates
  2. In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ.
  3. Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” at the outset.
  4. Chinese proverb: “He who treads softly goes far.”
  • Principle 5 – Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

6 – The Safety Valve In Handling Complaints

La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher, said: “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”

  • Principle 6– Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

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Quranic Verse: Chp. 34 V. 28

c34v28

Allah [may He be Glorified] said: “And We have not sent you (O Muhammad) except as a giver of glad tidings and a Warner to all mankind, but most of men know not” (34:28)

In this verse Allah states that He did not send His Messenger Muhammad (peace be upon him) except for giving the glad tidings of reward for all mankind and to inform them about the acts bringing about such a reward.

He is also sent to forewarn them of God’s punishment, and make known to them acts that may warrant such reprisal.

On the Authority of Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) who reported that the holy Prophet said: “By Allah in whose hands my soul is, if anyone of this Ummah (nation) hears about me whether he is a Jew or a Christian and dies without believing in my Message, will be among the dwellers of the Hell-fire.” [Sahih Muslim, the Book of Faith, Hadith no.153]

The word “Ummah” in this Hadith means those whom the call to Islam has reached.

The phrase “If anyone of this Ummah hears about me” means those who lived at the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), as well as those who will come after him till the Day of Judgement. In fact, all of them should follow his way. Mentioning just the Jews and the Christians in this context however serves as an alarming note for the followers of other faiths; since the Jews and the Christians have Divine Books while others do not. As the people of the Book are mentioned in this respect, though they are endowed with books of guidance, it thus follows that others, who have not any divine books, are also involved with greater reason. Allah knows best. [An-Nawawi’s Commentary on Sahih Muslim, Vol. II, Hadith p. 188]

Source: QuranComplex

Book Summary: How To Win Friends And Influence People-p3

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Part Two – Ways To Make People Like You

  1. Do This And You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere
  • Principle 1 Become genuinely interested in other people.

2 – A Simple Way To Make A Good First Impression

Professor James V. McConnell, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, expressed his feelings about a smile. “People who smile,” he said, “tend to manage teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. There’s far more information in a smile than a frown. That’s why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment.”

William James: “Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go

together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not. Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there. …”

“There is nothing either good or bad,” said Shakespeare, “but thinking makes it so.”

  • Principle 2 – Smile.

3 – If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble

  • Principle 3 – Remember that a person’s name is to that person the

sweetest and most important sound in any language.

4 – An Easy Way To Become A Good Conversationalist

Listening is just as important in one’s home life as in the world of business.

  • Principle 4 – Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

5 – How To Interest People

  • Principle 5 – Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

6 – How To Make People Like You Instantly

Always make the other person feel important.

William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be

appreciated.”

“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

The life of many a person could probably be changed if only someone would make him feel important.

“Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours .”

  • Principle 6 – Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

In a Nutshell – Six Ways To Make People Like You

  • Principle 1 – Become genuinely interested in other people.
  • Principle 2 – Smile.
  • Principle 3 – Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  • Principle 4 – Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  • Principle 5 – Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  • Principle 6 – Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

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Quranic Verse: Chp. 3 V. 19

c3v19

Allah [may He be Glorified] said: “Truly, the religion in the sight of Allâh is Islâm. Those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) did not differ except, out of mutual jealousy, after knowledge had come to them. And whoever disbelieves in the Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, signs, revelations, etc.) of Allâh, then surely, Allâh is Swift in calling to account.” (3:19)

Allah tells us in this verse that:

– Islam is the only religion acceptable to Allah to the exclusion of any other religion.

Islam denotes the inward and the outward submission to Allah in all that He has legislated and ordained either in His glorious Book or through the sayings of His prophet: Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Allah [may He be Glorified] said: “And whoever seeks a religion other than Islâm, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers).” (3:85)

– So, whosoever adopts a religion other than Islam is not on the right path, because he does not follow the way ordained by Allah through His Messenger (peace be upon him).

– Allah [may He be Glorified] tells us in this verse that the People of the Book knew very well that this was the truth but they deviated from it out of oppression and stubbornness.

– And when Muhammad (peace be upon him) came to them, they knew for certain that he was the Messenger of Allah – exactly as they recognized their own children – but envy, oppression and the denial of the signs of Allah kept them away from the right path.

The phrase “And whoever disbelieves in the Ayât (proofs, evidences, verses, signs, revelations, etc.) of Allâh, then surely, Allâh is Swift in calling to account” means: let those who disbelieve in the verses and the signs of Allah wait; the promise of Allah is already coming and they will be recompensed according to their deeds.

Source: QuranComplex

Quranic Verse: Chp. 7 V. 1-3

c7v1-3

Following a certain course is sometimes recommended in the Glorious Qur’an and sometimes it is prohibited.

Among the places where following a certain course is recommended is the following:

1. Following the course of revelation i.e. the Glorious Qur’an. Allah [may He be Glorified] said: “Alif-Lâm-Mîm-Sâd. [These letters are one of the miracles of the Qur’ân and none but Allâh (Alone) knows their meanings]. (This is the) Book (the Qur’ân) sent down unto you (O Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم)), so let not your breast be narrow therefrom, that you warn thereby; and a reminder unto the believers. [Say (O Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم)) to these idolaters (pagan Arabs) of your folk:] Follow what has been sent down unto you from your Lord (the Qur’ân and Prophet Muhammad’s Sunnah), and follow not any Auliyâ’ (protectors and helpers who order you to associate partners in worship with Allâh), besides Him (Allâh). Little do you remember!” (7:1-3)

These verses illustrate the following points:

  • The greatness of the Glorious Qur’an, which is sent down by the All-Wise, Worthy of all praise.
  • The Glorious Qur’an includes all that mankind need for their spiritual and material life. Allah [may He be Glorified] said: “And We have sent down to you the Book (the Qur’ân) as an exposition of everything, a guidance, a mercy, and glad tidings for those who have submitted themselves (to Allâh as Muslims).” (16:89)
  • It was revealed to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) to warn mankind as a whole. Allah [may He be Glorified] said: “And We have not sent you (O Muhammad (peace be upon him)) except as a giver of glad tidings and a warner to all mankind.” (34:28)
  • The commandment to follow what Allah has revealed to His Messenger (peace be upon him).
  • The prohibition of following other than what was revealed to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) such as the saints whom people invoked either besides Allah or in His stead. Allah [may He be Glorified] said: “Surely the religion (i.e. the worship and the obedience) is for Allâh only.” (39:3) He also said: “And they were commanded not, but that they should worship Allâh, and worship none but Him Alone (abstaining from ascribing partners to Him.” (98:5)

 

Source: Qurancomplex

Book Summary: How To Win Friends And Influence People-p2

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Part 1 – Fundamental Techniques In Handling People

1 – “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive”

Hans Selye, a great psychologist, said, “As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation.”

“A great man shows his greatness,” said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men.”

  • Principle 1 – Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.

2 – The Big Secret of Dealing with People

Some of the things most people want include:

  1. Health and the preservation of life. 2. Food. 3. Sleep. 4. Money and the things money will buy. 5. Life in the hereafter. 6. Sexual gratification. 7. The well-being of our children. 8. A feeling of importance.
  • Principle 2 – Give honest and sincere appreciation.

3 – “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who

Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way”

William Winter once remarked that “self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature.”

“First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”

  • Principle 3 – Arouse in the other person an eager want.

In a Nutshell Fundamental Techniques In Handling People

  • Principle 1 Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
  • Principle 2 Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  • Principle 3 Arouse in the other person an eager want.

“Education,” said Dr. John G. Hibben, former president of Princeton

University, “is the ability to meet life’s situations,”

Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.

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Book Summary: How To Win Friends And Influence People-p1

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How To Win Friends And Influence People

How To Win Friends And Influence People By Dale Carnegie

Eight Things This Book Will Help You Achieve:

1. Get out of a mental rut, think new thoughts, acquire new visions, discover new ambitions.

2. Make friends quickly and easily.

3. Increase your popularity.

4. Win people to your way of thinking.

5. Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done.

6. Handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth and pleasant.

7. Become a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.

8. Arouse enthusiasm among your associates.

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راه هایی برای استفاده بهتر از وقت خود پس از کار

3

همه ما در زندگی‌ تلاش می‌کنیم که در کار خود موفّق باشیم. همیشه به دنبال این هستیم که علم و دانش خود را برای رسیدن به جایگاهی بالاتر و حقوقی بیشتر افزایش دهیم. بعضی‌ وقتها این به قیمت دوری از خانواده و دوستان است. ما باید یاد بگیریم چگونه از وقت ازدمن بعد از کار به نحو شایسته استفاده کنیم.

– همیشه در یک وقته معین کارتان را تمام کنید. این به شما کمک می‌کند که برنمریزیتن منظّم باشد. اجازه ندهید امرار معاش شما را از زندگی‌ کردن باز دارد.

– نیم ساعت تنها استراحت کنید. این کار به شما اجازه میدهد درباره روزتان فکر کنید. ما ممکن است به اتفاقی که در محل کار افتاده فکر نکنیم ولی‌ این ضمیر ناخودآگاه مرا مشغول می‌کند. نیم ساعت استراحت با یک فنجان چای یا قهوه جدو می‌کند.

– در آخر هفته، هفته بعد را برنامه‌ریزی کنید.

– یاد بگیرید نه بگویید. در این روزها که وقت خیلی‌ زود می‌گذرد، ما وقته برای همچیز  و همه کس نداریم. پس بیشتر نه بگوییم تا بله. فکر کنیم قبل از اینکه جواب مثبت بدهیم. وقت طلاست.

-سعی‌ کنید روزانه بنویسید. نوشتن میتنود خیلی‌ مسائل مبهم و تاریک را روشن کند. به ما اجازه میدهد به به زندگی‌ از زاویه دیگری بنگریم.

– برای استفاده بهتر از وقت اولویتهای خود را بشناسید. اگر واقعا  چیزی را می‌خواهید، میتوانید به آن برسید اگر نگذارید چیزها و اشخاص کم اهمیت وقت شما را هدر دهند.

.

هشت راه برای هدر ندادن صبح

. انرژی خود را مدیریت کنید۱morning

۲. از شب قبل خود را آماده کنید

۳. تا ظهر امیل خود را باز نکنید

۴. تلفن خود را خاموش کنید

۵. در یک اتاق خنک کار کنید

۶. بشینید یا بلند شوید

۷. صبحانه را به عنوانه جایزه برای کار سخت تصور کنید

۸. یک عادت برای هر صبح داشته باشید