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Part 5 – Letters That Produced Miraculous Results

Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.

Let me repeat: the principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.

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6 – How To Spur People On To Success

Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving.

The psychologist Jess Lair comments: “Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it.

Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.

If you and I will inspire the people with whom we come in contact to a realization of the hidden treasures they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform them.

Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.

  • Principle 6 – Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

7 – Give A Dog A Good Name

“The average person,” said Samuel Vauclain, “can be led readily if you have his or her respect and if you show that you respect that person for some kind of ability.”

In short, if you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.

Shakespeare said “Assume a virtue, if you have it not.”

  • Principle 7 – Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

8 – Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct

  • Principle 8 – Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

9 – Making People Glad To Do What You Want

One of the important rules of human relations: Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behavior:

  • 1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
  • 2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
  • 3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
  • 4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
  • 5. Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.
  • 6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.
  • Principle 9 – Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

In A Nutshell Be A Leader

  • Principle 1 – Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
  • Principle 2 – Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
  • Principle 3 – Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
  • Principle 4 – Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
  • Principle 5 – Let the other person save face.
  • Principle 6 – Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
  • Principle 7 – Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  • Principle 8 – Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  • Principle 9 – Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

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Part Four – Be a Leader: How to Change People without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1 – If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin

Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killer.

  • Principle 1 – Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

2 – How To Criticize-And Not Be Hated For It

  • Principle 2 – Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

3 – Talk About Your Own Mistakes First

  • Principle 3 – Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the

other person.

4 – No One Likes To Take Orders

Encourage cooperation instead of rebellion.

Resentment caused by a brash order may last a long time; even if the order was given to correct an obviously bad situation.

Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.

An effective leader will use …

  • Principle 4 – Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

5 – Let the Other Person save Face

Antoine de Saint-Exupery: “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”

A real leader will always follow …

  • Principle 5 – Let the other person save face.

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7 – How To Get Cooperation
– No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold some-thing or told to do a thing.
– A chinese proverb: ” The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.”
• Principle 7 – Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

8 – A Formula That Will Work Wonders For You
– Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so. Don’t condemn them.
There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Try honestly to put yourself in his place.
– Dr. Gerald S. Nirenberg commented: “Cooperativeeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.
– Seeing things through another person’s eyes may ease tensions when personal problems become overwhelming.
• Principle 8 – Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

9 – What Everybody Wants
– Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.
– if you want to win people to your way of thinking, put in practice.
• Principle 9 – Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

10 – An Appeal That Everybody Likes
– In order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives.
• Principle 10 – Appeal to the nobler motives.

11 – The Movies Do It. Tv Does It. Why Don’t You Do It?
– This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic.
• Principle 11 – Dramatize your ideas.

12 – When Nothing Else Works, Try This
– “All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory” was the motto of the King’s Guard in ancient Greece.
– That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win.
• Principle 12 – Throw down a challenge.

In A Nutshell – Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
Principle 1 – The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Principle 2 – Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
Principle 3 – If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Principle 4 – Begin in a friendly way.
Principle 5 – Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
Principle 6 – Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
Principle 7 – Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Principle 8 – Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Principle 9 – Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Principle 10 – Appeal to the nobler motives.
Principle 11 – Dramatize your ideas.
Principle 12 – Throw down a challenge.

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Part Three – How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking

  1. You Can’t Win An Argument
    1. When you have heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.
    2. Be honest, Look for areas where you can admit error and say so.
    3. Apologize for your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
    4. Your opponents may be right.

Principle 1 – The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

  1. A Sure Way Of Making Enemies -And How To Avoid It
    1. Galileo said: You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.
    2. As Lord Chesterfield said to his son: Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so.
    3. Socrates: One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing.
  2. You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.
  3. I have found it of enormous value when I can permit myself to understand the other person.
  • Principle 2 – Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  1. If You’re Wrong, Admit It

“By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

  • Principle 3 – If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  1. A Drop Of Honey
  2. The friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world.
  3. Lincoln said: “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.”
  • Principle 4 – Begin in a friendly way.
  1. The Secret Of Socrates
  2. In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ.
  3. Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” at the outset.
  4. Chinese proverb: “He who treads softly goes far.”
  • Principle 5 – Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

6 – The Safety Valve In Handling Complaints

La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher, said: “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”

  • Principle 6– Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

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Part Two – Ways To Make People Like You

  1. Do This And You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere
  • Principle 1 Become genuinely interested in other people.

2 – A Simple Way To Make A Good First Impression

Professor James V. McConnell, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, expressed his feelings about a smile. “People who smile,” he said, “tend to manage teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. There’s far more information in a smile than a frown. That’s why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment.”

William James: “Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go

together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not. Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there. …”

“There is nothing either good or bad,” said Shakespeare, “but thinking makes it so.”

  • Principle 2 – Smile.

3 – If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble

  • Principle 3 – Remember that a person’s name is to that person the

sweetest and most important sound in any language.

4 – An Easy Way To Become A Good Conversationalist

Listening is just as important in one’s home life as in the world of business.

  • Principle 4 – Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

5 – How To Interest People

  • Principle 5 – Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

6 – How To Make People Like You Instantly

Always make the other person feel important.

William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be

appreciated.”

“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

The life of many a person could probably be changed if only someone would make him feel important.

“Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours .”

  • Principle 6 – Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

In a Nutshell – Six Ways To Make People Like You

  • Principle 1 – Become genuinely interested in other people.
  • Principle 2 – Smile.
  • Principle 3 – Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  • Principle 4 – Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  • Principle 5 – Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  • Principle 6 – Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

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Part 1 – Fundamental Techniques In Handling People

1 – “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive”

Hans Selye, a great psychologist, said, “As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation.”

“A great man shows his greatness,” said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men.”

  • Principle 1 – Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.

2 – The Big Secret of Dealing with People

Some of the things most people want include:

  1. Health and the preservation of life. 2. Food. 3. Sleep. 4. Money and the things money will buy. 5. Life in the hereafter. 6. Sexual gratification. 7. The well-being of our children. 8. A feeling of importance.
  • Principle 2 – Give honest and sincere appreciation.

3 – “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who

Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way”

William Winter once remarked that “self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature.”

“First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”

  • Principle 3 – Arouse in the other person an eager want.

In a Nutshell Fundamental Techniques In Handling People

  • Principle 1 Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
  • Principle 2 Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  • Principle 3 Arouse in the other person an eager want.

“Education,” said Dr. John G. Hibben, former president of Princeton

University, “is the ability to meet life’s situations,”

Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.

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How To Win Friends And Influence People

How To Win Friends And Influence People By Dale Carnegie

Eight Things This Book Will Help You Achieve:

1. Get out of a mental rut, think new thoughts, acquire new visions, discover new ambitions.

2. Make friends quickly and easily.

3. Increase your popularity.

4. Win people to your way of thinking.

5. Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done.

6. Handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth and pleasant.

7. Become a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.

8. Arouse enthusiasm among your associates.

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