Iman & Faith

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We all say we have Iman (Faith). One might ask: what is Iman? the word Iman has the same roots as Amn (أمن) which means security or safety. To have faith (Iman) means what we believe from within us or from within our heart is going to give us safety and security. So when we say we believe in One God (Allah), we believe He is going to protect us. Hence He provides safety and security. when our believe is true and free from any forms of hypocrisy, then it will manifest itself on the outside. This is what the above quote says. The actions testify the faith within the heart. Furthermore, this is also what we understand from the Saying that the heart is like the king and the limbs are the subordinates. Whatever the king orders, the subordinates obey and follow. So if the king is corrupt, the entire body will be corrupt and there is no place in Jannah for what is corrupt. What we conclude is instead of focusing solely on the outward look, we need to focus more on our inside and try to purify our heart. The beauty within us is going to reflect to the outside. May Allah help us purify our hearts & shine our hearts with light of Iman & grant us entry into His Jannah.

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How To Win Friends And Influence People

Part VI: Seven Rules for Making Your Home Life Happier

1 – How To Dig Your Marital Grave In The Quickest Possible Way.

If you want to keep your home life happy,
• Rule 1 is: Don’t, don’t nag!!!

2 – Love And Let Live

“The first thing to learn in intercourse with others is noninterference with their own peculiar ways of being happy …”

Leland Foster Wood in his book, Growing Together in the Family, has observed: “Success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the right person; it is also a matter of being the right person.”

If you want your home life to be happy,
• Rule 2 is: Don’t try to make your partner over.

3 – Do This And You’ll Be Looking Up The Time-Tables To Reno

If you want to keep your home life happy, remember Rule 3:
Don’t criticize.

4 – A Quick Way To Make Everybody Happy

Men should express their appreciation of a woman’s effort to look well and dress becomingly. All men forget, if they have ever realized it, how profoundly women are interested in clothes.

If you want to keep your home life happy, one of the most important rules is
• Rule 4: Give honest appreciation.

5 – They Mean So Much To A Woman

Breakfast in bed to a woman does much the same thing as a private club for a man.

So, if you want to keep your home life happy,
• Rule 5 is: Pay little attentions.

6 – If You Want To Be Happy, Don’t Neglect This One

Dorothy Dix: “It is an amazing but true thing that practically the only people who ever say mean, insulting, wounding things to us are those of our own households.”

“Courtesy,” says Henry Clay Risner, “is that quality of heart that overlooks the broken gate and calls attention to the flowers in the yard beyond the gate.” Courtesy is just as important to marriage as oil is to your motor.

So, if you want to keep your home life happy.
• Rule 6 is: Be courteous.

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Bodypainting

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Here are some thoughts about the event that takes place in some mega cities around the world. The event is called Bodypainting and it is considered to be an art. Yes, painting is an art and the one doing the painting is an artist. We admire the talent that an artist has in performing the work of art. So what is the issue with bodypainting? There is no issue with bodypainting in and of itself unless the paint applied to the skin is harmful or contains harmful substances.  The issue is going out naked. The bigger issue is spreading indecency in the society. That is to say going out naked is OK & acceptable while being fully covered is not acceptable. What direction is our society moving toward? If we look at how people used to dress two or three generation before us, we would see a big difference. Whose fault is it? Do the media have a role to play in this change? Definitely, yes. How about the porn industry? Definitely, yes. The porn industry is a multi-billion-dollar industry that is destroying individuals’ sense of indecency and corrupting the souls. Hence, what is good is considered evil and unacceptable and what is bad is considered acceptable. What we believe is that this the the devil’s agenda. Namely: to expose what is covered of the private parts. Shaitan’s (devil’s) ultimate agenda was to get clothes removed from Adam & Eve. So what the filth industry is doing now is simply accomplishing Shaitan’s goal. Based on what Allah says in soorah 7 v. 20: humans beings being exposed without clothes in public is something ugly; it is something indecent inherently; it is something evil. In the nature of human beings, it is not tempting to look at nudity. When our nature gets corrupt, we want to look at nudity. Because inherently, nudity is called ugly in the Quran.

May Allah help us to purify our souls and protect us from all sorts of filth and indecency.

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMfj0YjNk7E

Why does Allah give human beings a hard life?

In islam, our fundamental relationship with Allah is Rabb (Lord/Master) & Abd (slave). The thing about a master is that you don’t negotiate with a master. You negotiate with an employer; you can also negotiate with a partner; you can negotiate with a family member. When there is a master and slave, who negotiates all the terms?  The master. The slave’s only position is to follow all these terms.  The other thing about a master is that if he gives you something, it is a bonus and if he does not give you something, he did not have to. Because you are not salaried. You are a slave. Slaves are not salaried. Usually when you think of masters, they are oppressive; you think of chains, beatings, etc. that is human masters. Allah is a different kind of master. He is the only kind of master. As Allah states in soora Fatiha: this is the kind of master that before you even know that He is your master, you know that He deserves praise and gratitude. No other master deserves praise and gratitude right off the bat.  The first thing you think of a master is someone you should praise; someone you should be grateful to.  The only thing a slave would think of is when can I get free of this guy? But for Allah, all you think is praise and gratitude. Now coming to the idea of why Allah does not give me a perfect life. The question assumes that Allah owes you something.  Like an employer who owes you something. i.e. your pay-cheque. Your business partner owes you something, your cut. Your parents owe you something. They are responsible to raise you. Your children owe you something, your wife, husband, they owe you something. Allah owes you nothing. He does not owe you anything. As a manner of fact, you owe Him every breath. So when you phrase this question, I should have a perfect life, you have already undercut the idea that Allah is your master, like you are in some sort of position to make demands. Right? When you take that away, it is an uncomfortable thing. ‘’I want God to be my friend; I want Him to be someone who helps me like I pray to Him.’’ You want to dictate what this relationship should look like similar to any relationship, friendship. There are different kinds of friendship. I talk to some friends different from other friends. So in every relationship, we figure out what is going to be the give & take. Some figure they should figure out what their relationship with God is going to be like.  For example, they say: I am going to do this for Him, He’d better do this for me. The give & take. The bigger problem with this kind of attitude is you are deciding what the terms are. To put this into perspective, who should decide what the terms are between you and the supreme being?  -The one who knows everything.  His terms override yours. What you have in mind is less relevant and what He dictates is far more relevant. This might sound harsh, but if you give His terms a chance, for example if you study Quran. Quran is His terms.  Here is what it means to be my slave. When you study quran, you find that it is not a book of do this or If you don’t do this, this is going to happen. As a matter of fact, for the most part, it is the relationship of loyalty, gratitude, love, friendship, remembrance, longing. It is a really beautiful relationship. This Master wants me to be a slave who loves Him, who is friend with Him, who talks to Him all the time, remembers Him all the time. He says: remember Me, I will remember you.  Who talks like that? That doesn’t sound like a master. right? So Quran shatters your view of what Allah means as a Master. He wants to be your Friend; He wants you to be His friend. But first understand that He is your Master. Then understand that He is your friend. He wants to be a giver of gifts to you, but before He gives you gifts, He wants you to understand that He is your Master and you are the slave and He wants to give gifts to you. He wants to show you love; He wants to show you mercy, forgiveness, wisdom, knowledge. He wants to give you all these stuff. He wants to teach you. He wants to be your teacher too. He wants all of these things. All these relationships. So it is not one relationship. It is a lot of relationships. But at the helm of them all, He is the Master & you are the slave. Which means whatever happens in this relationship, your humility should never go away. Because the idea of slavery is: it is the most humble job description in existence. There is no more humble a job than a slave; you can’t get lower than that.  These questions lack humility because they reek of entitlement.  “I want, I want, I want” you could still want, but you if you want as a slave, it is different than when you want as someone who is entitled. Allah is not saying you cannot ask. You can ask, but He will decide when to give & what to give. So the answer to this question isn’t actually what Allah decides to do or not to do, but how we perceive Allah ourselves. The problem lies in our perception, so when you correct the perception, the problem is solved. People -around the prophet pbuh- who did not believe. If you were to ask them who made the skies and the earth. They would say Allah. They have no problem accepting Allah as the creator. Ask them who the master is. There is silence because that requires me to be a slave. If I call Him the Master, this makes me slave, makes me humble. If I ask you who made this car and you say lexus or honda. I can accept that. Who is your boss? Who is your ultimate authority? But who owns the car? That is my car. This is the line that has to be crossed when somebody enters into islam. They have to accept Allah as Rabb (Master), they have to accept themselves as slave.

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S047WdXLLa0

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Part 5 – Letters That Produced Miraculous Results

Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.

Let me repeat: the principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.

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The Prophet’s Methods of Dealing with People’s Mistakes- p3

22 – Asking the person to forgive the one who wronged him.

23 – Reminding a person of the good qualities of the one whom he has wronged, so that he will regret what he has done and will apologize.

24 – Intervening to calm people down and put a stop to the fitnah (discord) between those who are making mistakes.

25 – Showing one’s anger about a mistake. When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw or heard about a mistake, he would show his anger, especially if it had to do with matters of belief (‘aqeedah).

26 – Turning away from the one who has made a mistake, and avoiding argument with him, in the hope that he may come back to the right way.

27 – Rebuking the one who has made a mistake.

1 – The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) rebuked the Sahaabi who had make a serious mistake by asking him, “What made you do that?”

2 – Enquiring as to the reason that motivated him to make the mistake undoubtedly has an effect on the way in which he is treated.

3 – Those who have an excellent track record are not immune from committing major sins.

4 – The educator must be open-minded in dealing with his companions’ mistakes so that they continue progressing on the straight path. The aim is to reform them, not alienate them.

5 – The educator must appreciate the moments of human weakness that may overcome some of those who are with him, and he should not be shocked by a serious mistake on the part of one who is advanced or senior.

6 – Defending one who deserves to be defended even though he has made a mistake.

7 – If a person who makes a mistake has a great deal of good works to his credit, this should be taken into account when evaluating the level of his mistake and dealing with it.

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16 – Avoiding helping the Shaytaan against the one who is making a mistake.

17 – Asking the person to stop doing the wrong action. It is very important to make the person stop the wrong deed so that it does not get any worse and so that there is no delay in the denunciation of evil.

18 – Explaining to the person who is making a mistake how to put things right.

– Drawing an individual’s attention to his mistake so that he could put it right himself.

– Asking the person to do something again, correctly, if this is possible.

Among the qualities of the educator is that he should be aware of the actions of those who are with him.

1. It is a part of educational wisdom to ask a person who has made a mistake to re-do his action.

2. If the person who has made a mistake does not realize it, it must be pointed out and explained to him.

3. Giving information to a person who is interested and has asked about it himself is more effective and is more likely to be remembered.

19 – Denouncing only the mistake whilst accepting the rest.

20 – Restoring rights and preserving positions.

It is very important to maintain a person’s position after he has repented from his mistake and set matters straight, so that he will remain on the right path and live a normal life among people.

21 – Addressing both parties in cases where the blame is shared.

22 – Asking the person to forgive the one who wronged him.

 

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6 – How To Spur People On To Success

Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving.

The psychologist Jess Lair comments: “Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it.

Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.

If you and I will inspire the people with whom we come in contact to a realization of the hidden treasures they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform them.

Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.

  • Principle 6 – Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

7 – Give A Dog A Good Name

“The average person,” said Samuel Vauclain, “can be led readily if you have his or her respect and if you show that you respect that person for some kind of ability.”

In short, if you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics.

Shakespeare said “Assume a virtue, if you have it not.”

  • Principle 7 – Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

8 – Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct

  • Principle 8 – Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

9 – Making People Glad To Do What You Want

One of the important rules of human relations: Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behavior:

  • 1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
  • 2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
  • 3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
  • 4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
  • 5. Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.
  • 6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.
  • Principle 9 – Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

In A Nutshell Be A Leader

  • Principle 1 – Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
  • Principle 2 – Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
  • Principle 3 – Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
  • Principle 4 – Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
  • Principle 5 – Let the other person save face.
  • Principle 6 – Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
  • Principle 7 – Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  • Principle 8 – Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
  • Principle 9 – Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

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Part Four – Be a Leader: How to Change People without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1 – If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin

Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killer.

  • Principle 1 – Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

2 – How To Criticize-And Not Be Hated For It

  • Principle 2 – Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

3 – Talk About Your Own Mistakes First

  • Principle 3 – Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the

other person.

4 – No One Likes To Take Orders

Encourage cooperation instead of rebellion.

Resentment caused by a brash order may last a long time; even if the order was given to correct an obviously bad situation.

Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.

An effective leader will use …

  • Principle 4 – Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

5 – Let the Other Person save Face

Antoine de Saint-Exupery: “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.”

A real leader will always follow …

  • Principle 5 – Let the other person save face.

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