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Technique #1
The Flooding Smile
•Don’t flash an immediate smile when you greet someone, as though anyone who walked into your line of sight would be the beneficiary. Instead, look at the other persons face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes. It will engulf the recipient like a warm wave. The split-second delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine and only for them.
Technique #2
Sticky Eyes
•Pretend your eyes are glued to your conversation partners with sticky
warm taffy. Don’t break eye contact even after he or she has finished
speaking. When you must look away, do it ever so slowly, reluctantly,
stretching the gooey taffy until the tiny string finally breaks.
Technique #3
Epoxy Eyes
•This brazen technique packs a powerful punch. Watch your target
person even when someone else is talking. No matter who is speaking, keep
looking at the man or woman you want to impact.
Technique #4
Hang by Your Teeth
•Visualize a circus iron-jaw bit hanging from the frame of every door
you walk through. Take a bite and, with it firmly between your teeth, let it
swoop you to the peak of the big top. When you hang by your teeth, every
muscle is stretched into perfect posture position.
Technique #5
The Big-Baby Pivot
•Give everyone you meet The Big-Baby Pivot. The instant the two of
you are introduced, reward your new acquaintance. Give the warm smile,
the total-body turn, and the undivided attention you would give a tiny tyke
who crawled up to your feet, turned a precious face up to yours, and
beamed a big toothless grin. Pivoting 100 percent toward the new person
shouts I think you are very, very special.
Technique #6
Hello Old Friend
•When meeting someone, imagine he or she is an old friend (an old
customer, an old beloved, or someone else you had great affection for).
How sad, the vicissitudes of life tore you two asunder. But, holy macerel,
now the party (the meeting, the convention) has reunited you with your
long-lost old friend!
Technique #7
Limit the Fidget
•Whenever your conversation really counts, let your nose itch, your ear
tingle, or your foot prickle. Do not fidget, twitch, wiggle, squirm, or
scratch. And above all, keep your paws away from your puss. Hand motions
near your face and all fidgeting can give your listener the gut feeling your
fibbing.
***
Technique #8
•Hanss Horse Sense
•Make it a habit to get on a dual track while talking. Express yourself,
but keep a keen eye on how your listener is reacting to what you’re saying.
Then plan your moves accordingly.
***
Technique #9
Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene
•Rehearse being the Super Somebody you want to be ahead of time. SEE
yourself walking around with Hang by Your Teeth posture, shaking hands,
smiling the Flooding Smile, and making Sticky Eyes. HEAR yourself
chatting comfortably with everyone. FEEL the pleasure of knowing you are
in peak form and everyone is gravitating toward you. VISUALIZE yourself
a Super Somebody. Then it all happens automatically.
***
Technique #10
Make a Mood Match
•Before opening your mouth, take a voice sample of your listener to
detect his or her state of mind. Take a psychic photograph of the expression
to see if your listener looks buoyant, bored, or blitzed. If you ever want to
bring people around to your thoughts, you must match their mood and voice
tone, if only for a moment.
***
Technique #11
Prosaic with Passion
•Worried about your first words? Fear not, because 80 percent of your
listeners impression has nothing to do with your words anyway. Almost
anything you say at first is fine. No matter how prosaic the text, an
empathetic mood, a positive demeanor, and passionate delivery make you
sound exciting.
***
Technique #12
Always Wear a Whatzit
•Whenever you go to a gathering, wear or carry something unusual to
give people who find you the delightful stranger across the crowded room
an excuse to approach. Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice your . . . what
IS that?
***
Technique #13
Whoozat
•Whoozat is the most effective, least used (by nopoliticians) meeting people
device ever contrived. Simply ask the party giver to make the
introduction, or pump for a few facts that you can immediately turn into
icebreakers.
***
Technique #14
Eavesdrop In
•No Whatzit? No host for Whoozat? No problem! Just sidle up behind
the swarm of folks you want to infiltrate and open your ears. Wait for any
flimsy excuse and jump in with Excuse me, I couldn’t help but overhear. . . .
Will they be taken aback? Momentarily. Will they get over it?
Momentarily. Will you be in the conversation? Absolutely!
***
Technique #15
Never the Naked City
•Whenever someone asks you the inevitable, And where are you from?
never, ever, unfairly challenge their powers of imagination with a one-word
answer.
Learn some engaging facts about your hometown that conversational
partners can comment on. Then, when they say something clever in
response to your bait, they think you’re a great conversationalist.
***
Technique #16
Never the Naked Job
•When asked the inevitable And what do you do, you may think I’m an
economist/an educator/an engineer is giving enough information to
engender good conversation. However, to one who is not an economist,
educator, or an engineer, you might as well be saying I’m a
paleontologist/psychoanalyst/pornographer.
***
Technique #17
Never the Naked Introduction
•When introducing people, don’t throw out an unbaited hook and stand
there grinning like a big clam, leaving the newly mets to flutter their fins
and fish for a topic. Bait the conversational hook to get them in the swim of
things. Then you’re free to stay or float on to the next networking
opportunity.
***
Technique #18
Be a Word Detective
•Like a good gumshoe, listen to your conversation partners every word
for clues to his or her preferred topic. The evidence is bound to slip out.
Then spring on that subject like a sleuth on to a slip of the tongue. Like
Sherlock Holmes, you have the clue to the subject that’s hot for the other
person.
***
Technique #19
The Swiveling Spotlight
•When you meet someone, imagine a giant revolving spotlight between
you. When you’re talking, the spotlight is on you. When the new person is
speaking, its shining on him or her. If you shine it brightly enough, the
stranger will be blinded to the fact that you have hardly said a word about
yourself. The longer you keep it shining away from you, the more
interesting he or she finds you.
***
Technique #20
Parroting
•Never be left speechless again. Like a parrot, simply repeat the last few
words your conversation partner says. That puts the ball right back in his or
her court, and then all you need to do is listen.
***
Technique #21
Encore!
•The sweetest sound a performer can hear welling up out of the applause
is Encore! Encore! Lets hear it again! The sweetest sound your conversation
partner can hear from your lips when you’re talking with a group of people
is Tell them about the time you . . .
***
Technique #22
Ac-cen-tu-ate the Pos-i-tive
•When first meeting someone, lock your closet door and save your
skeletons for later. You and your new good friend can invite the skeletons
out, have a good laugh, and dance over their bones later in the relationship.
But now is the time, as the old song says, to ac-cen-tu-ate the pos-i-tive and
elim-i-nate the neg-a-tive.
***
Technique #23
The Latest News . . . Don’t Leave Home Without It
•The last move to make before leaving for the party even after you’ve
given yourself final approval in the mirror is to turn on the radio news or
scan your newspaper. Anything that happened today is good material.
***
Technique #24
What Do You Do NOT!
•A sure sign you’re a Somebody is the conspicuous absence of the
question, “What do you do?”
***
Technique #25
The Nutshell résumé
•Just as job-seeking top managers roll a different written résumé off
their printers for each position they’re applying for, let a different true story
about your professional life roll off your tongue for each listener.
***
Technique #26
Your Personal Thesaurus
•Look up some common words you use every day in the thesaurus. Then,
like slipping your feet into a new pair of shoes, slip your tongue into a few
new words to see how they fit. If you like them, start making permanent
replacements.
***
Technique #27
Kill the Quick Me, Too!
•Whenever you have something in common with someone, the longer
you wait to reveal it, the more moved (and impressed) he or she will be.
You emerge as a confident big cat, not a lonely little stray, hungry for quick
connection with a stranger.
***
Technique #28
Comm-YOU-nication
•Start every appropriate sentence with you. It immediately grabs your
listeners attention. It gets a more positive response because it pushes the
pride button and saves them having to translate it into me terms.
***
Technique #29
The Exclusive Smile
•If you flash everybody the same smile, like a Confederate dollar, it loses
value. When meeting groups of people, grace each with a distinct smile. Let
your smiles grow out of the beauty big players find in each new face.
***
Technique #30
Don’t Touch a ClichE with a Ten-Foot Pole
•Be on guard. Don’t use any cliches when chatting with big winners.
Don’t even touch one with a ten-foot pole. Never? Not even when hell
freezes over? Not unless you want to sound dumb as a doorknob.
***
Technique #31
Use Jawsmiths Jive
•Whether you’re standing behind a podium facing thousands or behind
the barbecue grill facing your family, you’ll move, amuse, and motivate with
the same skills.
***
Technique #32
Call a Spade a Spade
•Don’t hide behind euphemisms. Call a spade a spade. That doesn’t mean
big cats use tasteless four-letter words when perfectly decent five and six letter
ones exist. They’ve simply learned the Kings English, and they speak
it.
***
Technique #33
Trash the Teasing
•A dead giveaway of a little cat is his or her proclivity to tease. An
innocent joke at someone else’s expense may get you a cheap laugh.
Nevertheless, the big cats will have the last one. Because you’ll bang your
head against the glass ceiling they construct to keep little cats from stepping
on their paws.
Never, ever, make a joke at anyone else’s expense. You’ll wind up paying
for it, dearly.
***
Technique #34
Its the Receivers Ball
•A football player wouldn’t last two beats of the time clock if he made
blind passes. A pro throws the ball with the receiver always in mind.
Before throwing out any news, keep your receiver in mind. Then deliver
it with a smile, a sigh, or a sob. Not according to how you feel about the
news, but how the receiver will take it.
***
Technique #35
The Broken Record
•Whenever someone persists in questioning you on an unwelcome
subject, simply repeat your original response. Use precisely the same words
in precisely the same tone of voice.
***
Technique #36
Big Shots Don’t Slobber
•People who are VIPs in their own right don’t slobber over celebrities.
When you are chatting with one, don’t compliment her work, simply say
how much pleasure or insight its given you.
***
Technique #37
Never the Naked Thank You
•Never let the phrase thank you stand alone. From A to Z, always follow
it with for: from Thank you for asking to Thank you for zipping me up.
***
Technique #38
Scramble Therapy
•Once a month, scramble your life. Do something you’d never dream of
doing. Participate in a sport, go to an exhibition, hear a lecture on
something totally out of your experience.
***
Technique #39
Learn a Little Jobbledygook
•Big winners speak Jobbledygook as a second language. What is
Jobbledygook? Its the language of other professions.
Why speak it? It makes you sound like an insider.
***
Technique #40
Baring Their Hot Button
•Before jumping blindly into a bevy of bookbinders or a drove of
dentists, find out what the hot issues are in their fields. Every industry has
burning concerns the outside world knows little about.
***
Technique #41
Read Their Rags
•Is your next big client a golfer, runner, swimmer, surfer, or skier? Are
you attending a social function filled with accountants or Zen Buddhists or
anything in between? There are untold thousands of monthly magazines
serving every imaginable interest.
***
Technique #42
Clear Customs
•Before putting one toe on foreign soil, get a book on dos and taboos
around the world. Before you shake hands, give a gift, make gestures, or
even compliment anyone’s possessions, check it out. Your gaffe could gum
up your entire gig.
***
Technique #43
Bluffing for Bargains
•The haggling skills used in ancient Arab markets are alive and well in
contemporary America for big-ticket items. Your price is much lower when
you know how to deal.
***
Technique #44
Be a Copy class
•Watch people. Look at the way they move. Pretend the person you are talking to is your dance instructor. Watch his or her body, then imitate the style of movement. That makes your conversation partner subliminally real comfy with you.
***
Technique #45
Echoing
•Echoing is a simple linguistic technique that packs a powerful wallop.
Listen to the speakers arbitrary choice of nouns, verbs, prepositions,
Adjectives and echo them back. Hearing their words come out of your mouth
creates subliminal rapport. It makes them feel you share their values, their
attitudes, their interests, their experiences.
***
Technique #46
Potent Imaging
Evoke your listeners interests or lifestyle and weave images around it.
To give your points more power and punch, use analogies from your
listeners world, not your own.
***
Technique #47
Employ Empathizers
•Don’t be an unconscious ummer. Vocalize complete sentences to show
your understanding. Dust your dialogue with phrases like I see what you
mean. Sprinkle it with sentimental sparklers like That’s a lovely thing to say.
***
Technique #48
Anatomically Correct Empathizers
•For visual people, use visual empathizers to make them think you see
the world the way they do. For auditory folks, use auditory empathizers to
make them think you hear them loud and clear. For kinesthetic types, use
kinesthetic empathizers to make them think you feel the same way they do.
***
Technique #49
The Premature We
Create the sensation of intimacy with someone even if you’ve met just
moments before. Scramble the signals in their psyche by skipping
conversational levels one and two and cutting right to levels three and four.
Elicit intimate feelings by using the magic words we, us, and our.
***
Technique #50
Instant History
•When you meet a stranger you’d like to make less a stranger, search for
some special moment you shared during your first encounter. Then find a
few words that reprieve the laugh, the warm smile, the good feelings the
two of you felt. Now, just like old friends, you have a history together, an
Instant History.
***
Technique #51
Grapevine Glory
•A compliment one hears is never as exciting as the one he overhears. A
priceless way to praise is not by telephone, not by telegraph, but by tell-a-friend.
This way you escape possible suspicion that you are an apple-polishing,
bootlicking, egg-sucking, bac scratching sycophant trying to win
brownie points. You also leave recipients with the happy fantasy that you
are telling the whole world about their greatness.
***
Technique #52
Carrier Pigeon Kudos
•People immediately grow a beak and metamorphosize themselves into
carrier pigeons when there’s bad news. (Its called gossip.) Instead, become a
carrier of good news and kudos.
***
Technique #53
Implied Magnificence
•Throw a few comments into your conversation that presuppose
something positive about the person your talking with. But be careful.
Don’t blow it like the well-intentioned maintenance man. Or the southern boy
who, at the prom, thought he was flattering his date when he told her, Gosh,
Mary Lou, for a fat gal you dance real good.
***
Technique #54
Accidental Adulation
•Become an undercover complementor. Stealthily sneak praise into the
parenthetical part of your sentence.
***
Technique #55
Killer Compliment
•Whenever you are talking with a stranger you’d like to make part of your
professional or personal future, search for one attractive, specific, and
unique quality he or she has.
At the end of the conversation, look the individual right in the eye. Say
his or her name and proceed to curl all ten toes with the Killer Compliment.
•Rule #1: Deliver your Killer Compliment to the recipient in private.
•Rule #2: Make your Killer Compliment credible.
•Rule #3: Confer only one Killer Compliment per half year on each recipient.
***
Technique #56
Little Strokes
•Don’t make your colleagues, your friends, your loved ones look at you
and silently say, Haven’t I been pretty good today? Let them know how
much you appreciate them by caressing them with verbal Little Strokes like
Nice job! Well done! Cool!
***
Technique #57
The Knee-Jerk Wow!
•Quick as a blink, you must praise people the moment they a finish a
feat. In a wink, like a knee-jerk reaction say, You were terrific!
***
Technique #58
Boomeranging
•Just as a boomerang flies right back to the thrower, let compliments
boomerang right back to the giver. Like the French, quickly murmur
something that expresses That’s very kind of you.
***
Technique #59
The Tombstone Game
•Ask the important people in your life what they would like engraved on
their tombstone. Chisel it into your memory but don’t mention it again.
Then, when the moment is right to say I appreciate you or I love you, fill
the blanks with the very words they gave you weeks earlier.
***
Technique #60
Talking Gestures
•Think of yourself as the star of a personal radio drama every time you
pick up the phone. If you want to come across as engaging as you are, you
must turn your smiles into sound, your nods into noise, and all your
gestures into something your listener can hear.
***
Technique #61
Name Shower
•People perk up when they hear their own name. Use it more often on the
phone than you would in person to keep their attention. Your callers name
re-creates the eye contact, the caress, you might give in person.
***
Technique #62
•Oh Wow, Its You!
•Don’t answer the phone with an I’m just sooo happy all the time attitude.
Answer warmly, crisply, and professionally. Then, after you hear who is
calling, let a huge smile of happiness engulf your entire face and spill over
into your voice.
***
Technique #63
The Sneaky Screen
•If you must screen your calls, instruct your staff to first say cheerfully,
Oh yes, Ill put you right through. May I tell her who’s calling? If the party
has already identified himself, its Oh of course, Mr. Whoozit. Ill put you
right through.
***
Technique #64
Salute the Spouse
•Whenever you are calling someone’s home, always identify and greet the
person who answers. Whenever you call someone’s office more than once or
twice, make friends with the secretary. Anybody who is close enough to
answer the phone is close enough to sway the VIPs opinion of you.
***
Technique #65
What Color Is Your Time?
•No matter how urgent you think your call, always begin by asking the
person about timing. Either use the What Color Is Your Time? device or
simply ask, Is this a convenient time for you to talk?
***
Technique #66
Constantly Changing Outgoing Message
•If you want to be perceived as conscientious and reliable, leave a short,
professional, and friendly greeting as your outgoing message.
***
Technique #67
Your Ten-Second Audition
•While dialing, clear your throat. If an answering machine picks up,
pretend the beep is a big Broadway producer saying Nexxxt. Now you’re on.
This is Your Ten-Second Audition to prove you are worthy of a quick
callback.
***
Technique #68
The Ho-Hum Caper
•Instead of using your party’s name, casually let the pronoun he or she
roll off your tongue. Forget Uh, may I speak to Ms. Bigshot please? Just
announce, Hi, Bob Smith here, is she in? Tossing the familiar she off your
tongue signals to the secretary that you and her boss are old buddies.
***
Technique #69
I Hear Your Other Line
•When you hear a phone in the background, stop speaking in
midsentence, if necessary and say I hear your other line, (or your dog
barking, your baby crying, your spouse calling you). Ask whether she has to
attend to it. Whether she does or not, shell know you’re a top communicator
for asking.
***
Technique #70
Instant Replay
•Record all your business conversations and listen to them again. The
second or third time, you pick up on significant subtleties you missed the
first time. Its like football fans who often don’t know if there was a fumble
until they see it all over again in Instant Replay.
***
Technique #71
Munching or Mingling
•Come to munch or come to mingle. But do not expect to do both. Like a
good politician, chow down before you come.
***
Technique #72
Rubberneck the Room
•When you arrive at the gathering, stop dramatically in the doorway.
Then s-l-o-w-l-y survey the situation. Let your eyes travel back and forth
like a SWAT team ready in a heartbeat to wipe out anything that moves.
***
Technique #73
Be the Chooser, Not the Choosee
•The lifelong friend, the love of your life, or the business contact who
will transform your future may not be at the party. However, someday,
somewhere, he or she will be. Make every party a rehearsal for the big
event.
***
Technique #74
Come-Hither Hands
•Be a human magnet, not a human repellent. When standing at a
gathering, arrange your body in an open position especially your arms and
hands. People instinctively gravitate toward open palms and wrists
seductively arranged in the come hither position. They shy away from
knuckles in the get lost or Ill punch you position. Use your wrists and palms
to say I have nothing to hide, I accept you and what you’re saying, or I find
you sexy.
***
Technique #75
Tracking
•Like an air-traffic controller, track the tiniest details of your
conversation partners lives. Refer to them in your conversation like a major
news story. It creates a powerful sense of intimacy.
***
Technique #76
The Business Card Dossier
•Right after you’ve talked to someone at a party, take out your pen. On
the back of his or her business card write notes to remind you of the
conversation.
***
Technique #77
Eyeball Selling
•The human body is a twenty-four-hour broadcasting station that
transmits You thrill me. You bore me. I love that aspect of your product.
That one puts my feet to sleep.
***
Technique #78
See No Bloopers, Hear No Bloopers
•Cool communicators allow their friends, associates, acquaintances, and
loved ones the pleasurable myth of being above commonplace bloopers and
embarrassing biological functions.
***
Technique #79
Lend a Helping Tongue
•Whenever someone’s story is aborted, let the interruption play itself out. Then, when the group reassembles, simply say to the person who suffered story-interruptus, Now please get back to your story.
***
Technique #80
Bare the Buried WIIFM (and WIIFY)
•Whenever you suggest a meeting or ask a favor, divulge the respective
benefits. Reveal what’s in it for you and what’s in it for the other person even if its zip. If any hidden agenda comes up later, you get labeled a sly fox.
***
Technique #81
Let Em Savor the Favor
•Whenever a friend agrees to a favor, allow your generous buddy time to
relish the joy of his or her beneficence before you make them pay the piper.
***
Technique #82
Tit for (Wait . . . Wait) Tat
•When you do someone a favor and its obvious that he owes you one,
wait a suitable amount of time before asking him to pay. Let him enjoy the
fact (or fiction) that you did it out of friendship. Don’t call in your tit for
their tat too swiftly.
***
Technique #83
Parties Are for Pratter
•There are three sacred safe havens in the human jungle where even the
toughest tiger knows he must not attack. The first of these is parties.
***
Technique #84
Dinners for Dining
•The most guarded safe haven respected by big winners is the dining
table. Breaking bread together is a time when they bring up no unpleasant
matters.
***
Technique #85
Chance Encounters Are for Chitchat
•If you’re selling, negotiating, or in any sensitive communication with
someone, do NOT capitalize on a chance meeting. Keep the melody of your
mistaken meeting sweet and light. Otherwise, it could turn into your swan
song with Big Winner.
***
Technique #86
Empty Their Tanks
•If you need information, let people have their entire say first. Wait
patiently until their needle is on empty and the last drop drips out and
splashes on the cement. Its the only way to be sure their tank is empty enough of their own inner noise to start receiving your ideas.
***
Technique #87
Echo the Emo
•Facts speak. Emotions shout. Whenever you need facts from people
about an emotional situation, let them emote. Hear their facts but empathize
like mad with their emotions. Smearing on the emo is often the only way to
calm their emotional storm.
***
Technique #88
My Goof, Your Gain
•Whenever you make a boner, make sure your victim benefits. Its not
enough to correct your mistake. Ask yourself, What could I do for this
suffering soul so he or she will be delighted I made the flub? Then do it, fast! In that way, your goof will become your gain.
***
Technique #89
Leave an Escape Hatch
•Whenever you catch someone lying, filching, exaggerating, distorting, or
deceiving, don’t confront the dirty duck directly.
***
Teechnique #90
Buttercups for Their Boss
•Do you have a store clerk, accountant, law firm junior partner, tailor,
auto mechanic, massage therapist, kids teacher or any other
worker you want special attention from in the future? The surefire way to
make them care enough to give you their very best is send a buttercup to
their boss.
***
Technique #91
•No matter how prominent the big cat behind the podium is, crouched
inside is a little scaredy-cat who is anxious about the crowds acceptance.
•Big winners recognize you’re a fellow big winner when they see you
leading their listeners in a positive reaction. Be the first to applaud or
publicly commend the man or woman you agree with.
***
Technique #92
The Great Scorecard in the Sky
•Any two people have an invisible scorecard hovering above their heads.
The numbers continually fluctuate, but one rule remains: player with lower
score pays deference to player with higher score. The penalty for not
keeping your eye on The Great Scorecard in the Sky is to be thrown out of
the game. Permanently.
***