DARING GREATLY:
APPRECIATING THE BEAUTY OF CRACKS
when it comes to hiding our flaws, managing perception, and wanting to win over folks, we’re all hustling a little. For some folks, perfectionism may only emerge when they’re feeling particularly vulnerable.
For others, perfectionism is compulsive, chronic, and debilitating—it looks and feels like an addiction.
Self-kindness: Being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.
Common humanity: Common humanity recognizes that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience —something we all go through rather than something that happens to “me” alone.
Mindfulness: Taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. Mindfulness requires that we not “overidentify” with thoughts and feelings, so that we are caught up and swept away by negativity.
For me, it’s so easy to get stuck in regret or shame or self-criticism when I make a mistake.
But self-compassion requires an observant and accurate perspective when feeling shame or pain.
In addition to practicing self-compassion (and trust me, like gratitude and everything else worthwhile, it’s a practice), we must also remember that our worthiness, that core belief that we are enough, comes only when we live inside our story.
Perfectionism is exhausting because hustling is exhausting. It’s a never-ending performance.
“Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” A twenty-minute walk that I do is better than the four-mile
run that I don’t do. The imperfect book that gets published is better than the perfect book that never leaves my computer. The dinner party of take-out Chinese food is better than the elegant dinner that I never host.
